Feeling my highs and my lows

A radical leftist who hates America

2010-10-02T10:22:00.003-04:00

So i'm reading this article on RollingStone and came across this phrase:

(regarding "key elements" one can find in any Tea Party rally or interview)

"Everyone who disagrees with them is a radical leftist who hates America."

Nothing new. Nothing i haven't heard before. Although, it just hit me:

What if i AM a radical leftist who hates America? all the pieces are there. I am a leftist, so that's correct. Anyone who has seen me dance knows I am clearly radical--almost to the point of instability. And finally, i am pretty sure this country sucks. At least let me explain that last one:

For anyone who isn't a White Anglo-Saxon Protestant, living in the good ole U.S of A has been less than amazing. For many, it's been down right terrifying. This is a country that applauds itself for going over to Europe and saving millions from racially driven genocide WHILE AT THE EXACT SAME TIME is secretly (and not so secretly) allowing a racially motivated genocide in it's own boarders against (the quote-unquote) Blacks, Orientals, Mexicans and--you know: Those People. If you think genocide is too strong a word for The South in the 20th Century, let's go back a little more, when God Bless Abe Lincoln abolished slavery....of course, ALinc ran on a pro-slavery platform in his elections (oops), only freed slaves in Confederate states that did not return to the Union (double oops) and anyone who has been to the American History Museum in DC (free admission, btw--more senseless gov't spending) should know by the end of the exhibit on the civil war that Emancipation Proc. was a really great way to ruin the Southern economy (since it's workforce was entirely slaves). The Proclamation freed most slaves as a war measure, not a random act of kindness.

Remember: winners right the history books. And Americans are winners...god bless.

So when i saw the amazing concern and questioning after the nation voted in a mulatto president about "post-racial America", it did strike me as bullshit. Now that the Angry White Tea Party is in full swing, i KNOW it was bullshit. All that happened was a changing of the mask: the creamy white center of the nation has been severely misled, hypocritical and bigoted, painting their own picture of history to make sure Real Americans (whatever that is) look like genuine, honest-to-god wonderful people.

You don't come out and say: "we're gonna cut off the Mexicans and Blacks who are living on our welfare state" while driving around on your Medicare provided mobility scooter. You can't and you don't have to. You just say: "We are taking our country back". "Everyone knows" what you are saying (wink wink) because secretly there is major racism in this country and my Grandfather seems to be the only one who just comes out and says it (at least he's not masking anything: he asked if i saw the president since we live in DC, something about Obama coming over to our house to mop the floors...wow. you wouldn't think someone coming from a background of persecution [Polish] could have it in them, but there it is.)

They can clean up all the Tea Party protest signs that have Stars And Bars on them, but that doesn't mean everyone there won't be talking The Code. If anything, a misspelled sign decrying Civil Rights Act as gross overreaching of the gov't would be redundant. Its understood (wink wink nudge nudge)

So yeah, call me an Anit-American [sic] because i don't think we should have a Christian State or because i believe the EPA is a good idea or because i actually DO have friends that don't require SPF 45 sunblock--if the Angry White Radical Crowd keeps gaining momentum, you can bet your belt-buckle we are going to "Git Out".

We did a such a "good" job spreading Democracy around during the world in the Cold War, we don't have to live with these dipshits anymore. US is getting out educated, out played, out powered with better standards and more healthful living by more and more countries every year. If this is America, pining for the Dark Ages, then this wont be My Country.

Rex-pletives

2010-09-06T09:20:00.000-04:00

I'm glad Rex Ryan can drop "F-bombs" and curse like a sailor on Hard Knocks. He is standing up for the rest of the language; the Bad Words if you will. Offensive? You want offensive, how about the show True Blood directly preceding Hard Knocks? Its fucking vampires! No, I mean its vampires...fucking! And a pro-football coach is supposed rile up his team with "golly", "darn", "well shoot" and "oh crumbs!" ????

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG PEOPLE!?

Even my 5th grade football coach told me to "pull my goddamn head out of my ass". If we are so prudish that we can't hear some four letter words (WORDS! NOT VAMPIRE TANTRIC SEX!) then why are you watching HBO? Give me a break.

I say: You get 'em Rexy, do your fucking thing.

LobStar: Up to no good

2010-09-02T13:53:00.001-04:00

Funny how Red Hook Lobster has taken off, and now you can find lobster rolls popping up on menus all over now. Funny how none of these other places take the same care as Red Hook in sourcing Maine lobster, but rather, tend to be freezer shipped from South America where fishingpractices are unregulated and labor is cheap.

Funny still, how many people assume that becausre you live on a coast, that your seafood came from nearby. Infact, eastern shore lobster populations have been plummeting for years, to the point where there is no lobster trapping industry in Long Island Sound. None. Combinations of warmer ocean temperatures, unsustainable fishing and increased levels of water pollution have contributed to the complete disappearance of the region's industry.

Maine is the only place left! Such a dilemma: go for that Maine guy and risk depleating our last lobster resource? Or go with some South American lobster, shipped from afar and harvested by workers in poor and unregulated conditions?

Option C: leave that crustacean in the water!

No time like the present

2010-08-31T08:02:00.001-04:00

What an opportunity the US (or any evil western society) has right now to win over the hearts and minds of thousands of Pakistanis in desperate need. But alas, primarily Christian countries have never had much to do with helping Muslim states in need, which is why Saudi Arabia is going to swoop in and spread its wealth and influence even further throughout Pakistan by feeding, clothing and rebuilding the lives of flood victims. Instead of playing the religion card here, the US needs to show the same kind of relief support it did for the 2005 tsunami and the Hatian earthquake. What an amazing way to show people who hate us across the world how good the country and its people can be by extending an olive branch in the form of aid.

Instead, we've got Glenn Beck rallying in DC, trying to inject more Christianity into Government. Instead, we protest anything remotely Muslim being built in Manhattan like it was a nuclear power plant. Instead, we are sitting on our hands and secretly chuckling while thousands of people starve to death in terrifying conditions. Anyone worth their weight in rosaries would have rallied this weekend to help spread positive influence--say, by asking small donations from the tens of thousands who swarmed the Lincoln steps Saturday. Mother Theresa did her amazing work IN SPITE of religious differences. Hypocrite 8hristians need to put differences in gods behind them if we want real, lasting peace in Islamic states.

If we want an ally in that region of the world, or anywhere in the Muslim world, we need to act now--or Saudi Arabia will just say "I told you they are an Evil Empire: here strap this C4 on and take this Metro card".

Let's show our support, or you can say hello to another 50 years of Middle East vs. Middle West.

Notes from the Beer Snob

2010-07-19T19:25:00.001-04:00

Is there any better compliment than a barkeep telling you that the beer you ordered was an "excellent choice" or a "great beer"?

Its on par with someone telling you that you have beautiful breasts or a huge cock. Except that its more than a physical attribute: you have STYLE.

Beer Class is so under-rated, and in a place where the beer lists can be both extensive and pedestrian at the same time, finding that Goulen Caralous on the menu can really set you apart from the pack.

Its also a great bond with the Keep: let them know you are here for the happy hour AND something more.

Hey...get your mind out of the gutter!

DC Metro Series: Thoughts

2010-07-08T11:20:00.001-04:00

How many times must I wash this towel before it stops leaving fuzz all over me when I dry off?

From 'Deep Economy' by Bill McKibben

2010-07-07T12:22:00.001-04:00

"[T]he dirty secret of the American economy was that it was no longer about anything except the creation of suburban sprawl and the furnishing, accessorizing, and financing of it." --James Howard Kunstler, journalist: 'The Long Emergency'

Dependence Day

2010-07-04T09:02:00.003-04:00

Over the past couple decades (or so) the term 'Independence Day' has been slowly choked out by its counterpart '4th of July'. Coincidentally, through international free-trade, fossil fuel consumption, loss of domestic industrial production and the rise of consumerism as a (perceived) viable economic model, we have actually become less and less Independent. Fittingly, we stop calling it Independence Day when our debt is owned by China & UAE, our fuel sources are owned by Saudis, and our food is flown in from all over the world. (Note: Through the calamitous partnerships of agribusinesses like ConAgra and the supposed governing bodies like WTO, we effectively enslave farmers of developing nations through petroleum pesticides & GMO seeds that must be purchased annually)

We import the world and export our troops. This is Imperialism. The same Imperialism we declared our Independence from over 200 years ago. We have become the thing that we stood up against, the thing that stands in the way of true Nation Building, of social diversity and of Real Democracies. What's more, history shows us that Imperial states degrade the Oppressor as well as the Oppressed. We sacrifice more than our Moral High Road, but we lose a little piece of our nation when we choose to buy imported goods from cheap sweatshop labor. We lose a little piece of what great people once stood up for every time we fill our tanks with OPEC oil. We sell off a little piece of America every day we are still Energy Dependent, Food Dependent or Financially Dependent.

And all those little pieces we have sold off have added up. We are once again subservient to powerful Lords of Commerce: the NewsCorps, the Archer-Daniels-Midlands, the ConAgras, the Dow Chemicals, the Walt Disneys, the BPs and the Royal Dutch Shells. (of the top 10 largest corporations in the world in 2009, 7 are oil-based energy companies; the only non-oil, US based company is WalMart at #3.)

So go ahead and call it "The 4th": another day of the month. If Dependency is what you want, then look around because you have it. But if you ever wondered why the world has always looked up to this country, it is because they threw off their Imperial Oppressors. They did what no other colony in Africa, Asia or Australia could do: kick out European Imperialists and declare "Live Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness". This is why the world still admires America. It's not our fast cars, our tall buildings or our "Sacred Way of Life" (Other cars are now faster, other buildings are now taller and other lives are FAR more Sacred than this). It's the idea of revolting against the Imperial Boot on an oppressed people's neck. It's the concept of throwing off the chains of slavery of an invisible power in an Ivory Tower in another hemisphere. But lately, we have allowed ourselves to become that Ivory Tower; that oppressor fueled by the long tentacles of Imperial greed.

So I hereby declare, that Independence Day is dead. A holiday hijacked by greed and perverted by ignorance, celebrate your 4th of July: a shell of a holiday tucked under the wing of consumerism. We need a NEW Independence Day: one where we Declare or Independence from Oil, Independence from AgriFarming, Independence from Growth Economics. CEOs don't work for you. They answer to Stock Holders, not to consumers. We all vote with our dollars when we purchase goods & services and we vote everyday to keep these people in power.

Stop.

Vote with Dollars for the things you believe in. Research where your products, your food or your energy comes from and make a stand with your money. If you think your Political Vote doesn't count, or you think that Political Means are useless for changing the structure of the system, fine. Go tell Rupert Murdoch or Thomas Falk to stuff it by boycotting the products they shove down our throats. Money talks and that is the ONLY way to get their attention (see: Boston Tea Party).

Declare your Independence. Because this holiday is a fucking joke.

A note on classical vs. modern

2010-06-25T09:09:00.001-04:00

If a flat roof is so modern and ugly, why does the Lincoln Memorial have one? Are you diss-ing Lincoln? I didn't think so: STFU

DC Metro Series: World Cup edition

2010-06-25T07:25:00.002-04:00

If there is one thing I'd like to see carry over from soccer to other televised sports, it is the slow-motion reaction shot. It's a little bit awkward and mostly amusing to catch these guys in strange expressions in high def moving really slow. I'd like to see that shot of Brady as he throws and INT: "ooooohhhhh ccccoooooomme ooooooonnnnnn!"

DC Metro Series: District Style

2010-06-11T13:59:00.002-04:00

This is the first in a series i intend to post from metro subway platforms and trains. Quick, simple, direct and (unlike New York) there is phone service down here.

Today, Style Observations:
I'd like to debunk a misconception about fashion in DC: there are definitely people here with smart, fashionable style sense. Unfortunately they are all women.

Men here tend to wear their suits like huge flapping tan circus tents. After hours, the younger men dress like Jersey Shore Wannabes or Ironic Geekwads from your high school past. Also popular: terrible taste in athletic wear (DC should have coordinated sports team colors--see Pittsburgh); plaid shorts, plaid shirt and tan flip-flops (note: flip-flops are for the beach ONLY); standard polo: what is up with this shirt? Useless collar--just wear a t-shirt already. You aren't fooling anyone.

In conclusion, shape up DC men. (excluding 17th street)

The Curious Case of Returning Champions

2010-06-09T09:25:00.003-04:00

In case you haven't been been paying attention (say, you were moving from Brooklyn to Washington DC last week and/or were on a week-long cruise to Bermuda before that--not that its an excuse for not blogging or anything), the Phanatic Phans of the Philadelphia Phillies have been really pouring on the class this season. Not that Philly has much of a reputation for class-acts in sports. These are the same people who boo-ed Santa.

But they are reaching Olympian Heights of Classlessness in the City of Brotherly Shove this season--correction: Half Season. We haven't even reached the All-Star Break and Phillies Phans are already piling up the Phelonies. Let's recap some of the greatest hits of the 2010:

- the Steve Consalvi Great Tazer Episode

- the Philadelphia Vomit On A Cop's Daughter Day at the ballpark (participants get a free epic shiner)

- Philly skanks flopping-out in the stands (aka Wardrobe Malfunction)

- and latest, an unattended toddler putting down a cold brewsky in the stands

And if you wanted to include a full year of Phandemonium, you must include last summer's beating death outside Citizen's Bank Park--over a spilled drink (of course).

So what's the deal in Filthadelphia? I have a couple ideas.

Is this a case of the same phenomenon we saw after the 2004 Red Sox Championship? A fan base with so much pent up angst and a clear drinking problem resulting from years of Close But No Cigar seasons that when they finally do win, they are completely unbearable. All I recall about the winter of 04/05 is that everywhere you went, there was a BoSox fan (or gang of) demanding retribution for years of losing to the Yankees, et al. "Demanding retribution" seems too civil a phrase--let's say: "being complete assholes about it" instead.

So with one Championship and two World Series appearances in as many years, we are most likely seeing a Championship-Drought Asshole Syndrome in Philly (all sports) combined with a We Were Already Pricks Effect (along with BoSox/Celtics, all NY teams, ChiCubs, Dallas Cowboys and all LA teams not rhyming with Flippers).

Is that any excuse? Well of course not. But if this is any indication of what Championship Drought x Already Pricks equation can do, and assuming the increasing the length of Drought multiplier only exacerbates the situation, when/if the Cubs finally win the November Classic (and by that time, it will be played in December), the North-Sider fans may very well burn the city down again. I'll probably have to distance myself from the team just to keep my friends, sanity and respectability.

After i'm done "Demanding Retribution" of course.

A Note to Kieran-Timberlake from the NCL Dawn

2010-05-31T07:31:00.005-04:00

To anyone who claims there is no connection between the boat building industry and Architecture: go on a cruise.

To anyone who thinks the advanced construction technologies of the boat building industry creates better design: go on a cruise.

Only in midtown...

2010-05-19T09:37:00.001-04:00

Anyone in DC need another Ron Swanson?

2010-05-18T22:23:00.002-04:00

"With over 5 years in architectural practice, I am seeking a position where my expertise and real-life experience can benefit the energy and ecology conservation movement. Through integrated end-user technology coupled with inventive environmental design, I hope to balance our nation's energy economy with our planet's natural ecology."

-me

What will you have?

2010-05-13T08:03:00.002-04:00

"As the energy consultant David Rothkopf likes to say, sometimes a problem reaches a point of acuity where there are just two choices left: bold action or permanent crisis. This is such a moment for our energy system and environment."

-Thomas Friedman

Pleading the 5th

2010-05-05T20:01:00.002-04:00

Happy Sink Oh de Mayo

We love Mexican holidays, we just don't like Mexicans!

Hurray!

the Poof Pants

2010-05-04T17:47:00.003-04:00

So there has been a ridiculous item for sale circulating the Internets recently called the Better Marriage Blanket. If you haven't heard about it, imagine something between a Saturday Night Live commercial spoof, a Billy Mays infomercial and one of the top Viral Vids of 2010 selling a blanket that keeps your flatulence from fouling up your marriage. (Which begs the question: Does it work for Gay Marriages, too???)

My Favorite Uncle Marc recently brought up the point that he was "surprised no one makes underwear out of that stuff."

This got me thinking:

The company would offer underwear as a mass-customized service where you would either fill out a questionnaire or some kind of DNA-like mail-in test to "specially formulate" the blanket/underwear to your intestinal chemistry.

Similar to a whole house energy audit: call it a digestive system audit.

Then you get pH customized underwear. you could offer the audit for free, and then provide mail-service underwear to send you new undies (based on your "intensity of use"). no annual check-ups keep your custom size/pH up to date: Just mail back your old underwear for testing before being safely recycled (or buried at Yucca Mountain)

They could even provide an additional "First Alert" examination and warning system for men 45 and older (additional charge)

It's like Netflix meets the Marriage Underwear

or as Marc claims, "Nothing says lovin’ like a Dutch Oven!"

Where The Coal Is Stained With Blood

2010-05-02T12:25:00.002-04:00

Where The Coal Is Stained With Blood

testing testing 1 2 3

2010-05-02T11:43:00.002-04:00

this is only a test. everyone go back to sleep now

Txt & E-mail posts

2010-05-02T11:38:00.002-04:00

Testing testing 1 2 3

In a concerted effort to increase posts (rather: to decease the interference of technology inputs between my thoughts and my blog-posts), i'll me remotely posting with texts and e-mail from my Mobile Device. (Hurrah for integrated technology, more on that later)

We'll see how this goes: direct mainline from my brain to the web. Max Headroom anyone?

Waiting for the bus

2010-05-02T09:39:00.003-04:00

All MTA would have to do is place small LED sensors on the already existing Bus Stops that pick up a frequency from the bus on that route whenever it got within a certain range. That range would be different for each stop given it's location and how often the bus comes (how visible it is). Each route has it's own frequency and the LED could change color based on proximity.

That way you could see the light indicate a coming bus before you see it on the street.

my Fail

2010-05-01T17:52:00.003-04:00

i saw a Fail and was encouraged to Failblog.org it.

please vote with 'cheezburgers' and maybe i'll get famous on the Internets!

Where are they now? (Part 1)

2010-04-30T09:01:00.009-04:00

These images should mean absolutely jack-shit to anyone but the people I lived with from 2002-2006. If you are one of those people, feel free to identify your WITH your stuff. I'm still keeping it.

Also, Jeremy: I still have your black coat.

Rick: I Goodwill-ed your bubblegoose as it was no longer 'bubble-y'

Ruminations on Hot Flat and Crowded Part 1

2010-04-26T23:15:00.006-04:00

I've been digging into Thomas Friedman's Hot, Flat and Crowded (just now getting around to it) and i thought i'd share my reactions to it "Book Report" style with some blog-posts. Maybe it will encourage more people to read it--maybe not. I'm not sure how much a New York Times author relies on a blogger with 5 followers to generate book sales. Let's just say, I don't give a shit because there are much better things to be worried about (you would know this if you were reading the book too). But let's not dawdle.

Here's what i've got so far: We are Fucked.

Let me elaborate:

Extreme resource dependence on countries where oil is controlled by dictatorships plus American gluttony equals Global Climate Change and mass Biodiversity loss times population boom in countries that are currently working with Eisenhower's America as their model for development equals we are SOOO fucked.

None of this should be news, but yet it is. We still can't get everyone in THIS country to see how damaging the Sacred American Lifestyle is, let alone convince a billion people in China not to copy it word-for-word.

I have my own theory on this:

Friedman talks about how countries with Oil Production accounting for the majority of it's economy tend towards less Democratic States (in-fact, he just flat out says they are opposites). He points out that countries like Saudi Arabia demand no taxes from their citizens, because they rake in so much money from oil exports, therefore they have no responsibility to those people (they effectively own the resources that happen to have people on it). These "leaders" are just dictators and the people (placated by tax-free living) do not reap the benefits of living in a democratic state. They can't oust the "leader" because the "leader" is not accountable to the citizens. They demand nothing from the citizens and tell them to piss-off any time they try to speak up (see Iran).

I think that News Corp and Haliburton work in an identical fashion, but from behind the vale of Corporate Capitalism. Corporations are not held accountable for their actions without a governing body. Stock Holders are not accountable for their customers--they have interest in rising stocks, not population welfare. It's just not how the system works. So if you can get any governing agency out of the way of holding you accountable for your actions, you are effectively a Dictatorship.

What NewsCorp has done is hijacked the governing system through Mass Media. The mouth of the governing body is controlled by a monopoly on Free-Speech. Combine that with a fortuitous decline in Print Media (aside: today i read someone say "Print media isn't dying. It's Dead Dead Dead.") and you can construct a farcical "News" outlet that discourages actual journalism and encourages Subjective Sensationalism.

So what this country has is a power-struggle between a Corporate Dictatorship run amok for 8 (or more) years and a Governing body that has been asleep at the wheel and has finally decided to start providing oversight for the people that elected them. (some of these people still think business as usual is the way to go. keep low, keep your head in the sand, and keep chanting "individual freedoms for people means no accountability for me")

That got a little off topic. More in Part Two (after i read more)

just driving traffic

2010-04-23T10:25:00.003-04:00

during my absence from blogging, i've completed the big fabulous awesome and otherwise good christopherpeli.com where you can see an extensive array of projects and photographs by Yours Truly.

hope you enjoy

sure has been awhile

2010-04-23T09:40:00.004-04:00

well, yes. it's been a long time since the last post. the 4th quarter of the Super Bowl really set me back emotionally--i may still be getting over it.

in addition, my Gorgeous Fiancée and I have been busy with plans for an upcoming party that we may colloquially call a wedding, as well as our newest enterprise, digitally fabricated scarves.

it may also come as a shocker (to anyone left reading) that we are seriously considering moving back to The District (of Columbia, not District 9).

however, i will be making all kinds of half-ass'd attempts to write in between all these extracurricular activities.

that is all.

Time for some action

2010-02-06T12:47:00.004-05:00

Whilst looking through old posts, i noticed i had created this in February and not posted it. It's only the title, sorry if you were looking for more. The INTENT was there, which is good enough to get you arrested for terrorism or reprimanded by the NFL commissioner.

But then i Realized that the post will still have the date on which i INITIATED the post, not when it actually ran. So i'd be able to make all kinds of crazy predictions in a blog post from February on things that HAVEN'T HAPPENED YET.

Like:

- Texas (8) eliminated in the NCAA first round by Wake Forest (9). Butler (yes, THAT Butler) goes on to lose in the Championship game to Duke.

- Stay out of Baghdad on these dates: March 2nd, March 13th, March 29th, April 4th, April 11th, 12th and 22nd.

- Tim Tebow drafts in the 1st round. Jimmy Clausen goes 48th overall.

- stay out of Chile on February 27th

- health care reform actually (finally) passes

- don't try to fly in or out of Europe the 2nd week of April

- Capitals lose in first round to Montreal 4-3

- in-fact, all division winners in NHL's Eastern Conference eliminated in 1st round.

- take OKC Thunder in games 3 and 4

- stay out of Times Square on Easter Sunday (but did i really have to tell you that?)

The Great and Powerful Oz has SPOKEN!

I Expected More. Plus: Bonus Predictions (!!!)

2010-01-17T21:00:00.004-05:00

more football news

These playoff games sort of...well, blow.

let me explain: in a typical postseason, you can count on at least 3 or 4 games having SOME sense of drama in the 4th quarter. Yet for the second week in this 2009 football postseason, 2 of the 4 games are nearly done after 30 minutes of play. Consider the Vikings dismantling of the Cowboys today and the 35 points posted on the Cardinals by the Saints in the FIRST HALF!

This is supposed to be the Cream of the NFL Crop, not Florida State vs. Eastern Idaho State Community College.

While the Colts/Ravens was fun to watch as a fan, it got so nasty by the last quarter, i was bored stiff. Wild Card Weekend was not much different: Patriots rolled over and laid an egg by the end of the first quarter vs. Baltimore; Philly failed to even get off the plane and enter the stadium against the Cowboys; Chad OchoCinco is still MIA after his second trip to Revis Island.

What the hell happened to suspenseful playoff games? Tonight's Jets v Chargers game is what i expected the last two weeks to be like: dramatic displays of athleticism and coaching prowess. Instead, everyone is getting Blown Out of the Frame by the time most of the crowd has finished their first $10 Miller Light.

At least The Pack managed to claw their way back to a humiliating loss by 6, rather than the 36 i thought it was going to be after watching the first 5 minutes against Arizona.

I'd like to think that the Championship Games next Sunday will be as awesome as they look to be, but frankly, I'm suspecting that somehow, someone will be a No-Show.

Fortunately for us spectators, at the Final Four level, we have dismissed much of the Riff-Raff (Tony Romo) and Posers (i'm looking at you Philip Rivers). Matching up to the Magical Mind-Prowess of the Indy Colts will be the grossly-over-sized Heart (RIP Gaines Adams) of The New York Football Jets; in the deep south, the battle of the Dome Warriors will (hopefully) figure out a way to defend the potent point-scoring attacks of the "Guys With Huge Throwing Arms and Fast Receivers".

Indy has proven it can win at any style of game, from Shootout to a Defensive Fistfight. If the Colts can put 21 points on the board, i just don't know if the Jets can count that high. Shonne Green has another 100 yard game with a long TD run...also no less than 3 Sanchize INTs. Freeney and Matthis will get to him and it won't be pretty (especially if The Blue Horse goes up by two scores).

On an Aside; i'm really tired of hearing the term 'pin their ears back". As in, "If the Colts pull ahead, they will pin Freeney and Matthis' ears back and let them go after the Quarterback". I also did research on meaning, but i'm pretty sure its a dog-fight reference--dogs with ears pinned back would leave them less likely to get them bit by other dogs as they go on the attack. Basically less vulnerable to counter-attacks and probably pissed off from the pinning.

If anyone knows for sure, let me know. Otherwise i'm going to file this under "Grossly Ironic Statements In The NFL".

In the Deep South: who the hell knows. The team that scores last will win. Favre looks better than he ever has, Brees looks like a Boilermaker again, everyone is fast and this promises to be a clinic on How To Juke. Barry Sanders should do the opening coin toss. But Shoot-Out teams need Home Field to succeed and while both are Old-School Domers, the crowd will favor the home team at the line of scrimmage (meaning more Offside penalties for the Vikings than we saw today). Plus, not being able to see or hear the snap means a slower jump for the Tackles, thus an advantage for the Home Defense (thus the Sanchize meatloaf Indy's DEs are going to make in the early game).

even though i said he was a crazy fuck, i see now why John Clayton picked a Colts/Saints Super Bowl. (how obvious and dumb: it's the game everyone has been talking about since Week 8; it's the two #1 Seed in the playoffs. do you really need and analyst for that?)

however: i'll point out a couple things. The last Colts Super Bowl victory was in Miami, they had a Home Field for the AFC Champ game and their opponent for the Big Game came from the NFC North. (of course, the 2007 Bears might have been the WORST Super Bowl team in the history of the Big Game...the 94 Chargers a close 2nd)

The planets, stars and other celestial objects are aligning (if you believe in that).

And like Rudy says: "You've got to Believe!"

My Man Revis

2010-01-14T21:04:00.007-05:00

I said this at the beginning of the season, and i'll say it again (as it is MUCH more obvious): Darrelle Revis will change the face of NFL defenses. He will do what Tiger did to golf, Peyton Manning did for NFL offenses: his method and skill are the new Model for Defenders, which have been out-sized, out-smarted and out-played... in what has turned into a field day for Pass-First Os in the NFL.

Tall, lanky and dominant WRs in the league have beaten the living crap out of Secondaries this season, turning the league into a Gun-And-Gun (as opposed to the age-old 'Run-And-Gun offense). The scores differential in this seasons games were ridiculous...some weeks with 6 games of 21 pts or more...some weeks as many as 4 games of 28 pts or more.

Meanwhile, this guy is lights out. Shut-down the most prolific QB/WR tandems in the league. (there was a pre-season NYT article i read in July and tried to find about his 'training regimen'). This was also the Year of the Pass-Interference (also Year of the Roughing-The-Passer) where defenders all over the league were getting extra calls-against for legit defense in 2008. If there is any way to defend the Larry Fitzgeralds and Randy Mosses--the physical, elite WRs of the NFL that seem to run over DBs and get no penalties, Revis's method is the way.

Take note: you will see MANY more CBs looking and playing with Revis' new standard. Just as Peyton upped-the anti for NFL QBs and as Tiger made fitter, stronger golfers in the PGA--so will Revis change the way the Pass-Happy NFL offenses are defended.

still looking for that special someone?

2009-12-13T20:17:00.003-05:00

now you can own your own Frank Lloyd Wright "MasterWork"...consider it a design/build project:

although the Guggenheim NYC leaves some to be desired. They didn't quite get the curvature 'Wright'...

are they trying to be funny? it's not even close. it's like they tried to build it from a photocopied fax of a cameraphone image.

4 reasons Lynyrd Skynyrd sucks and The Allman Brothers don't

2009-12-06T11:17:00.008-05:00

This is hollowed ground for a population of people who also prefer to own large quantities of guns, so i will tread-on-you lightly.

Reason #1 Lynyrd Skynyrd sucks and The Allman Brothers don't:

To start, the Allmans were the original Suthern Rockers [sic]. they're sound was a heavily influenced by many historic and contemporary influences, but most notably (and importantly) Front Porch Blues, American Jazz and--a strange, uniquely American phenomenon where you don't know what you have until someone else does it, repackages it and sends it back to you: British Blues.

LySky on the other hand is more akin to punch pop-rock of the mid-70s than any true rootsy music of their time or place. The fact that their plane crashed in Clarksdale, where the blues was allegedly invented, just underscores the fact that they nearly killed the whole scene with their brand of Trash-Rock. Thanks to LySky we have Molly Hatchet and Kid Rock.

In a sense, everything the Allman Bros did to eliminate the stereotype of Southern/Midwest Redneck Music by injecting it with borrowed ideas from other genres, Lynyrd Skynyrd came around to erase with Stars-and-Bars Pride-and-Ignorance.

Reason #2 Lynyrd Skynyrd sucks and The Allman Brothers don't:

(These are becoming less a "List of Reasons" and more of an expounded treatise; but i will keep the format.)

Style and complexity: The Allmans being an open-format group wrote songs in a jazz and blues tradition that closely resembled the work of BeBop. The similarities between their Filmore live shows and an album like Coltrane's Favorite Things are uncanny. The basic song format includes a Head, which is a constructed piece that all members know and is often scored (written) and played at the beginning of the song. It becomes a thematic "glue" for the rest of the song.

After the Head, the song progresses in a series of solos featuring each of the band members (bass and drums included). Often between solos, there is an interlude of sorts where two soloists will play the same line (sometimes the same as the Head and sometimes not) simultaneously and often in harmony. This can be heard especially well in the Allman Brothers song Dreams. Compare to a Coltrane's Giant Steps. (also a good example would be the two guitar solos in Blue Sky, where a line is repeated between the two lead guitars to transition seamlessly between the two.)

Let's compare to Lynyryd Skynyrd, who's songs more resemble a Mickey Mouse sing-along than a musical composition. If you didn't get Sweet Home Alabama after the first two choruses, just follow the bouncing ball at the bottom of your screen the next 5 times they sing it.

Reason #3 Lynyrd Skynyrd sucks and The Allman Brothers don't:

Modern Day Relevancy--face it, both bands hit upon some hard times do to substance abuse, internal conflict and the death of core band members. But if you look at the two bands today, the discrepancy in relevance is striking.

During my last year living in Indiana, the Allman's played Deer Creek--the largest venue in the state, while LySky played a street festival in Muncie (on the street, it was sad even as a non-fan).

Why?

In addition to the above, we can attribute it to the fresh-blood brought in to fill the gaps created by deceased members. Where LySky merely brought in un-named subs to merely "play-the-part", the Allmans revived their line-up with the addition of the amazing slide-guitarist Derek Trucks and the revered blues-man Warren Haynes, both highly regarded for musical virtuosity and SKILL. With this line-up, they even cut a new album in 2003 that didn't suck (Hittin' The Note is actually was very good). The Allman Brothers have had 4 of the Rolling Stone's 100 Greatest Guitarists Of All Time (including #2 Duane Allman)

Skynyrd took .38 Special lead singer to replace "Ronny" (also his brother) and that was the end of anyone notable stepping up. Even so, anyone familiar with their new album God & Guns? Maybe you heard it on Sean Hannity's show. Which brings me to #4:

Lynyrd Skynyrd's inability to understand irony:

The band that was named to mock their gym teacher that had a strict policy against "boys with long hair" is now the voice of the most intolerant sect of the entire country. Oh yeah, i hear that those God & Guns folks are really tolerant of others nowadays. If 1970 LySky thought they were the rebellious freedom-seekers on the motorcycles at the end of Easy Rider, would they be shocked to find out that they are the two hicks in a pick-up that blow Captain America and Dennis Hopper out-the-frame?

You tell me folks--i wonder if Southern Rebels even know what they are rebelling against anymore.

BONUS!! A SECRET 5TH REASON!!

let's examine some lyrics shall we?

from "That Ain't My America", the new Lynyrd Skynyrd song heavily promoted on Hannity's lame radio show:

It's to the women and men in their hands they hold a bible and a gun
And they aint afraid of nothing when they're holding either one, oh, uhh
Now theres kids that cant pray in school, hundred dollar tanks of gas,
I can tell you right now this country aint, aint supposed to be like that

Oh give me a fucking break. They should rename the band The Complacent Rebels.

and now some inspiration:

Just one more mornin, I had to wake up with the blues.
Pulled myself out of bed, yeah, put on my walkin shoes.
And went up on the mountain, to see what I could see.
The whole world was fallin, right down in front of me.

Cause I've a hunger for the dreams I'll never see, yeah, baby.
Ah, help me baby, or, or this will surely be the end of me, yeah.

Sort of Martin Luther King Junior-ish right?

-----

Side Note:

The Rolling Stone Top 100 List is bullshit. Complete and utter sensationalism in music journalism. If it wasn't controversial, it would not have sold so well. I like how their was one (token) woman deep on the list. It provoked THIS list which is clearly flawed too...

Imaginary Brooklyn 2: photo essay

2009-11-28T14:33:00.004-05:00

today's feature focuses on fenestration (window & door) patterns, types and materials.

Imaginary Brooklyn #1

2009-11-17T14:22:00.003-05:00

[I'm starting a set of posts, personal ruminations on the built environment in my locale as I try to grapple with the "shoulds" and "should nots" of designing in the Brooklyn context.]

Nothing looks more out of place than curtain wall construction in a place of punched openings.

Boyz in da Hood

2009-11-13T19:34:00.003-05:00

This neighborhood is fucked up: Teenage black kids shooting each other (Truth, saw it with our own eyes) then kid runs around the corner; across the street there's a group of old white ladies and a couple of hipsters going out on Friday night; down the block, two NYPD at a fried chicken place with Japanese tourists hanging out in front. All this after hearing Manuel de Landa, the preeminent philosopher of our time give a lecture about Gilles Deleuze. He was late to class because he was on the G train...I'd shit myself if i saw de Landa on the G train with me...

oh, the shootings? that's an everyday thang...

Guest of the Day

2009-11-12T16:01:00.003-05:00

that nice young lady over at the wanderous let me guest-host her blog while she recovered from the H1N1 (pronounced Hy-Nee).

check my ramble here

i think i did better than i do on my own blog...that's not saying much.

that's a hell of a deal, this is what I feel

2009-11-12T15:37:00.002-05:00

This was on my mind last week (or the week before?) but i decided to share anyways.

While I've never before rooted for the Yanks in my life, i will say that this year's playoffs were enjoyable for the first time in...well, maybe ever. As a perennial Cubs fan, i've set myself up for it--i realize this. But in addition to never having my team win (or get to) the World Series in my lifetime, i have also never lived in a city while one of the local teams did make it.

Also, while it's clear that the Yankees have the highest payroll, I'd like to point out that Chase Utley and Ryan Howard aren't exactly donating their millions to quadriplegic orphans either. Its a game of money and they play it like Bloomberg would rather than how Gandhi would. Lamentable yes, but hardly unique.

In other news: Jerry Hairston Jr. is the luckiest player alive. He started the season with the inept and terrible Cincinnasty Reds, was traded to the Yankees mid-season and now has a championship.

He also lays down a pretty great bunt.

Fine!...Dale...

2009-10-20T23:34:00.002-04:00

As i sat and watched the terribleness that was The New York Football Giants this past Sunday, recovering and atoning from my 28 hour jaunt to the Chicagoland area for a celebration (bitches), an old friend started mumbling to me about updating my shit and linking him and Google Searchbots. So thanks to Mumble To My Neighbor, i'm blogging again.

To start, i have a legitimate fear of people who love Jesus. I mean the people who REALLY LOVE Jesus. Like, Love love. Like, i want to have your babies love. I really don't know what to say to them. Its awkward enough to converse about "normal" things like the price of white bread or the latest trends in monocles. But to actually hear someone spout off all the terrible, horrifying details of their love affair with--well, quite frankly, a dead guy, is creepy beyond words.

Look, people have been wrong before. Its OK. You lost. Get over it.

Now where was I?

As far as the Original Intent of this thing (remember back in the day where i wrote scathing architectural commentary?), I have taken to terrorizing all the naive international architecture students and useless Middle-West tract-home architects commenting on ArchDaily. Not as satisfying but it certainly makes for continuous fodder for criticism.

But i'm not one of those people who feel like they can just bash anyone and everyone with a harsh couplet or misspelled phrase. One must reach a certain character-count in order to completely and thoroughly demolish the subject at hand.

i won't bore you with re-publishing what i wrote. you can see for yourself. they will be the posts with correct spelling and grammar, not written in Cyrillic. ( i don't count capitalization--a letter is a letter is a letter)

however, i will bore you with my extreme disappointment in the fucking Dodgers. I got all amped up to watch the Los Angeles Joe Torres duke it out with the Bronx Bombers who gave him the Bronx Boot two years ago in the World Series, but he hasn't shown much of a reason for them not to have put a Timberland imprint on his ass. Maybe LA will get tired of them and the whole team will move back to Brooklyn.

I know, I'm dreaming.

MORE small help

2009-08-17T12:08:00.002-04:00

more unabashed advertising in the name of web-hits:

http://www.thewanderous.com/

Help a brother out...

2009-07-27T16:47:00.003-04:00

this is where i do some random and unsolicited advertising:

make it a point to hit up my dude Josh Pabst at http://www.obviouschild.com and give him some props. also feel free to spread some linkage for him...or me for that matter.

Rain Rain (a poem)

2009-05-07T15:08:00.003-04:00

locksmith business cards float in a technicolor stream

down the street gutter and in into the corner grate

like watching the city's asshole from the inside looking out

On Mash-Ups

2009-05-03T17:38:00.005-04:00

there may be no other phenomena in Popular Culture that more perfectly embodies the Post-Modern World than the Mash-Up. Forgive me for my geezer-sounding-nostalgia, but "Today's world" is more schizophrenic, disjointed and fragmented than any previous generation--and if history is any precedent (it usually repeats itself, but sometimes it doesn't), future generations will continue this trend of fragmentation ad nauseum, with serious repercussions for original thought.

Let me explain:

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Mashup may refer to:

Mashup (digital), a digital media file containing any or all of text, graphics, audio, video, and animation, which recombines and modifies existing digital works to create a derivative work.
Mashup (music), the musical genre encompassing songs which consist entirely of parts of other songs
Mashup (video), a video that is edited from more than one source to appear as one
Mashup (web application hybrid), a web application that combines data and/or functionality from more than one source

Now, a breif in Post-Modern theory (as it relates to my purposes at present) combines an understanding of contemporary technological ability and an endless supply of historical artifact (both real histories and imagined) to reproduce any and all events, materials, compositions and ideas in general without the constraints of chronology. if i want the Pilgrims to show up in drag to 20th century Tokyo to have fish tacos with Godzilla and Nelson Mandella, this is possible. more-so, possibly expected.

This is of course a composed mashup, one that is imagined through the lens of an individual (here, myself). However, the mashup is present in our daily routines. Imagine an average not so interesting day:

wake to alarm: NPR story about Native American reservations where women are gang raped and beaten (i wonder, why not beaten and raped? seems like that would be the chronological way to go about it) by the men of a certain tribe (you don't hear where, only that she is found hospitalized by a girlfriend who noticed her missing)

maybe you shower: nothing worth noting, other than your pastie-colorless-ass and the veins you can see through your nearly transparent skin which hasn't seen the sun since you were 12 years old (the last time it was cool to play outside)

a quick check of the e-mail: Facebook comment, REI Gearmail, Bank of America statement, Archinect, Storefront, Kurzweil AI, Yahoo Sports, 3rd Ward, order-update_at_amazon.com, Urban Daddy and your Daily Dilbert

off to work: zoom--cars flash by on the way to the subway steps...five or six seconds of a M.I.A. song booms right before you get your earbuds in and hit play.

Flight of the Conchords Season 1 soundtrack

sounds of the train

flashes of ads on the subway walls. most have been razor-ed out and repasted back onto something else: new CSI-like series has a Sketcher's shoe masking a woman's face and a circus elephant donning a Hitler moustache and a drawn-on penis covorting with Beyonce.

someone gets on the train with a stereo blaring some indecernable new/hot Club-Rap song that overpowers the headphones that are already blaring 112 dB sounds directly onto your eardrums

more ads: Housewives of NYC but all the heads are gone. one is replaced with a piece of a Manhattan Mini-Storage ad next to it (neither logical nor graphically appealing)

a new television show called "Cougar" where 20-something men compete for a single botox-infused and heavily air-brushed 40-something...(you wonder if this is serious or a gag...its for real)

you find the missing Housewives heads stuck on a Lung Cancer ad

out of the tube: grab an egg sandwich at a bodega before work--horrible Adult Contemporary Soft Rock (not ever ironically bad, just terrible) and you have to remove your headphones to place your order and for common courtesy (you don't know why, it just feels right--like cellphones at a cash register)

into work: more music...Pandora Radio seems to be all over the place today. can't they just play something good and not repeat the live version of Once In A Lifetime every hour? and please just keep anything from The Bends from showing up on ALL MY STATIONS! If Creep comes on my Elton John Radio one more time, its over.

Lunch: Spanish Soap Operas as you wait for some veggie tacos. you are convinced you could learn Spanish from an afternoon of watching this. You consider it. But your tacos are ready.

Lunch at desk: New York Times, Washington Post, New York Magazine, Craigslist, ArchDaily, Brownstoner, LinkedIn, Facebook, eHow, FreeNYC, Yahoo Fantasy Baseball (you are terrible), DrawerB, Treehugger, Pitchfork, Pruned, Polar Inertia, Exploding Dog, Bustler and Design Crack

you pick up The Onion, skip to The Hater and skim the rest. (an interview with Will Arnett? Really? c'mon...)

Working: CAD...phone call...e-mail...phone call...phone call...coffee break...e-mail...G-chat...e-mail...spreadsheet...G-chat...e-mail...potty break...e-mail...CAD CAD CAD CAD CAD CAD...e-mail...G-chat...

its dark: go home...

(now, in reverse)

earbuds

subway platform musician (this is called something, but i forget: boojering? somethin...)

out--zoom, M.I.A., door slam (bang) steps up keys jingle earbuds out into room play on stereo

Dinner

Check e-mail again. get distracted with NY Times story about something insignificant.

Movie or book

sleep again.

OK! so you get it. a boring day yet sensory overload...this is Post-Modern at its best and also worst. Everything you ever wanted always, but not quite how you remember them. Its like having your cake and eating it too, but the cake is dry and mostly corn-based (and the frosting is entirely corn-products).

its there, its yours, but its not great...not like grandma's

and so goes the day in the life: a continual mashup of mashups, there and gone before you knew what it was...before you could form an opinion...before you even knew what was going on--you were already a part of a bigger cycling mashup of mashups mashed up into a cosmic mashup, fullfilling a mashing mash masher mash up your mash.

then you decide to blog about it...

the piano has been drinking, not me

2009-04-25T14:36:00.000-04:00

Tom Waits- The Piano has been Drinking- 1977

THE DOWNFALL (BY SPORTSTRADAMUS)

2009-04-05T15:52:00.001-04:00

having seen my share of stadiums across the country, there is something cool about those under-appreciated 60s/70s era stadiums (RFK, Riverfront, Arrowhead, Busch, HHH Metrodome, Oakland Coliseum etc. etc. etc.). they have finally aged to the point where they are interesting and have history. these new parks that are replacing them will too age, and when they do, the silly-pseudo-attractions will look like the Pirates of the Caribbean at DisneyWorld...we'll look back and say "remember when we thought THAT was the SHIT! damn...we were stupid"

also see, the downfall of watching baseball on TV: i don't know whether i'm watching a sport or headline news. in order to increase fan-base MLB and the other Major 4 bombard the viewer with information so as to attract the "short-attention-span" viewers who have trouble relaxing and watching the game (i.e. the people who think baseball is boring)

i wouldn't be surprised to see:

- a stadium feature where you can play side-games between other people at the game using your iPhone or Blackberry: how many people think so and so should shave his moustache (results posted on Jumbotron)

- stadiums actually playing another game's highlights on a jumbotron or on your PDA

- using your PDA to order food/beer from vendors--just enter your seat/section and order. also could have Outback Steakhouse or Wendy's food rather than the trad. sporting grub (if only the beer selection would improve)

- having other "events" actually at a game, playing on the Running Sausages and Racing Presidents but with actual betting involved (see greyhound racing)

- having online Texas Holdem available in the back of the seat in front of you so you can get your Flop and River on during pitching changes and between innings

- short sitcom-like shows that play on the jumbotron during said game "down-time" (usually where you check your personal scorecard against your neighbors to make sure they actually scored that misplay as an E and not an Infield Single). these shows could be extensions of the shows you already know, like Lost or Who Wants to Be a Millionare (is that still around outside of India?)

...anything else to make baseball more "interesting"...read: less like baseball

and remember when we thought it was cool to see a Brewer slide into a pool of man-eating piranhas?

Wild Wild Life

2009-04-04T07:49:00.003-04:00

I have no time for anything substantive, so I'm re-posting something that i found that made considerable impact on me:

"In situationist texts, a Dérive is an attempt at analysis of the totality of everyday life, through the passive movement through space. It is translated as drift."

A dérive is "the exploration of a built environment without preconceptions, to refuse to limit legitimate discussion to architectural styles or residential percentages, but to discuss the reality of actually inhabiting the environment"

from Wikipedia

also of considerable interest: Urban Alteration Game

"The point of the game is to carry out certain actions in the urban surroundings. The actions are a way for the player to interact with, understand and alter their surroundings. The different actions are to be found on the strategy tool supplied with the game. There are several different strategy tools and the intention is that there will be new strategies being added to the gameplay by its players.
As this is an art project it has also been important to document the result of the gameplay. When a strategy has been carried out and an alteration has been made to an urban enviroment [sic], it should be documented and shared with others. Some of the strategies are impossible to carry through in a physical way which calls upon the player to use his or her imagination and creativity. If it is not possible to carry out the chosen strategy in a physical way or on the actual site it should be done in any other way, for example through using photography, painting or video to record and alter the surroundings. "

I've been doing that for years...never thought of it as a game.

Never thought of myself as a situationist, but it makes sense now.

Sorry Cleveland, Pennsylvania Rocks

2009-01-18T10:43:00.005-05:00

this year will be looked upon as one of the best sports years ever....for Pennsylvania. the previous reigning geographic area of sports domination, Boston, seems to be holding on to at least their basketball glory, however, the state of Pennsylvania has reached new plateaus of greatness (and almost greatness). let me elaborate.

with the AFC and NFC championships on the horizon, we see the likely contenders from Pittsburgh and the not-so-likely contenders from Philadelphia both a game away from the Super Bowl. this means that the odds for a PA team to win the Big Bowl is 50%. if both the Steelers and the Eagles win today, that number is 100%.

recently, Penn State saw a better than expected season take them to the top 5 in the Coaches and AP polls, a Big 10 championship and a trip to sunny Pasadena. so what if they got spanked by the home team Trojans. with Joe Pa still around and kicking (sort of), you haven't much time left before you are back to the ever-smaller bucket searching for a new Head. Plus you beat OH outright.

of course, the Phillies succeeded in bringing champ-status back to champ-starved Philly for the first time in my life. their success, however, kept this post from a "Pennsylvania, so-close but so far away" tone.

that would be due to the Pittsburgh Penguins march to the Stanley Cup Finals last year, only to be rolled over by the RedWings. Congrats for getting that far, at least. Having any extension of the regular season is a big bonus for the team and the region, both in money and morale.

and speaking of morale, Pittsburgh is the only city to have all (3) major sports teams all with the same colors. Smart thinking. You can wear your Steelers garb to a Pirates or Penguins game and still match the rest of those hideous people sitting next to you. Frugal, yet patriotic; this is Pittsburgh.

not to mention the swing-state status in the biggest race of 2008, (double bonus: voting for the winner) this has been an amazing year in Pennsylvania. word of advice: quit now, while you are still ahead.

Save the Sea Kittens?

2009-01-18T10:20:00.005-05:00

what is the deal with PETA? well,i know that is not a question that may ever be fully resolved, but in this case--its worth investigating.

recently, PETA launches the Save the Sea Kittens web-campaign, which includes what seems like fish dressed as kittens, with the apparent reason being that no one would hurt a kitten ergo we will be tricked into not eating fish (especially caviar...hence the 'kittens'). not that i am for caviar, but do these uppity PETA folks really think that dressing Flash animation fish up as kittens will get to the soft and sensitive emotions of the Upper East Side caviar-crowd? right, because not only do they spend time hunting around the internet for stupid shit (like people I know) but they will be easily fooled by lipstick on the fish, just as the Tasmanian Devil was fooled into love with Bugs Bunny dressed as a Tasmanian She-Devil.

Word of advice PETA: Greenpeace is having a hard enough time trying to get our garbage out of the oceans, why would you encourage dressing fish up with, say, Punk-Rock Jackets, Business Suits, Balls of Yarn, a Water Bowl (underwater?) or, in one of the strangest breaches of biological common-sense, a Litter Box...for a FISH. And since when does PETA support cat litter? or Business Suits?

so i have made my own fish, which i believe represents a more accurate depiction of a real problem...Trash in the Waterways & Oceans

so meet "Trashy", who breaks time-honored the rule: if you put lipstick on a fish, it is NOT still a fish

2k8: a year in review

2009-01-03T13:12:00.003-05:00

this is the time of year when all the "best" and "worst" and "memorable" lists replay the events of the past year, and well...why not throw more shit on the poo-fire. this will be the least comprehensive and certainly most arbitrary list you may stumble across in this Season of Recollection, but anyone reading this blog should know much about arbitration at this point.

Favorite Novel i read this year: God Bless John Wayne - Kinky Friedman

Favorite Non-fiction i read this year: 1491 New Revelations of the Americas Before Columbus

Favorite Music download of the year: Mike Waxx MF Doom mixtape

Favorite Music album that came out this year: LP3 - Ratatat (apologies to Radio Retaliation - Thievery Corporation)

Favorite Album i got not from this year: The Craft - Blackalicious (apologies to Danger Doom)

Favorite coffee in Brooklyn: Gimme Coffee

Biggest disappointment in sports: New Orleans Saints

Biggest disappointment in music: (tie) the new Kings of Leon album Only By The Night and the new My Morning Jacket album Evil Urges

Biggest disappointment in popular culture: Seth Rogan is still around

Movie that got canned but still has a chance come DVD release: Choke

Movie with no fucking chance: Rambo

Really great work from British people: Son of Rambow

Biggest tard: Sean Penn

Largest inconvenience: French onion soup made with beef broth

Most overrated: SEC

Most underrated: College football in the rocky mountains

US Rep. with the funniest voice: Barney Frank (MA)

Best political impersonation: Tine Fey as Sarah Palin

Strange things from Right-Wing Nut Jobs: a woman who once sported an eye patch attacks First-Lady-Elect regarding fashion; playing victim card

Proof that you vote really does count: at press time, Al Franken is up by a mere 50 votes in the Minnesota Senate seat recount

Proof that DC is more like minded than Wyoming: 93% voted Obama in DC, only 65% voted McCain in Wyoming (both have 3 electoral votes)

Weirdest thing to happen other than the Patriots losing the Super Bowl: (tie) Aiko the Femme-bot and the Face Transplant

Person my age i wish would just go away (and not from jealousy): Britney Spears

Person my age who makes me look like a lazy-ass: (tie) Dwayne Wade and Danica Patrick

Biggest dumbass: Eliot Spitzer

Most amazing collapse: New York teams ending in -E-T-S

Favorite new bar: Rustik

Favorite new restaurant: Cafe Tapeo

--in short, 2008 was a unique year for us, splitting our time between DC and NY. the sport of the year looked to be kickball, but quickly became flippy-cup with rooftop cornhole a close second.

that's all for now. the new year should begin in March instead of January.

reverse graffiti

2008-12-12T21:30:00.002-05:00

there's no better 'fuck you' to authority than to make it clean up its own shit:

Old News: Robert Dimery's 1001 Album List Sucks

2008-11-22T14:15:00.006-05:00

the list is here...and well, has been for a couple years. i get to these things when i can okay? i have limited time and resources and i've frankly had my mind on more important lists that are exhaustive, competent and without glaring omissions.

Before i start, i should say, these need to be Game Changing albums. never existed before and will continue to be the benchmark by which subsequent albums are judged. Like the first 5 Led Zeppelin's, Dr. Dre's The Chronic, Black Sabbath's self-titled, Aqualung, Metallica's Master of Puppets and The Beach Boy's Pet Sounds.

Now-my turn:

#1 There is no Philip Glass at any point in the list. Not one. Are you telling me Mr Dimery that the most important modern composer in our century is not something that needs to be heard AT ALL before you perish?

#2 Purple - Stone Temple Pilots. It should be noted that on your list, i need to hear four (4) Deep Purple Albums, but not the sonic masterpiece that is STP's second album? Four fucking Deep Purple albums in entirety before i die?!? Moreover, there is not a single STP album listed, where i would argue there is one definite (Purple) and another (Tiny Music from the Vatican Gift Shop) should also have serious consideration.

#3 Its called A Go Go and its by John Scofield. GLARING OMISSION. not only a must hear, but a must have for anyone. period. this album will bring peace to the middle east if used properly. has the potential to disarm nuclear timebombs with the amazing talent of the premiere jazz guitarist of the past 35 years backed by the revolutionary jazz-fusion trio of Medeski Martin and Wood? this album omitted from an "exhaustive" list of music discredits both the editor, their families and anyone who has ever loved them.

#4 There is no need to hear two (2) Dexy's Midnight Runner's albums. Come ON Eileen!! Where did you get this shit Mr. Dimery?

#5 Blacklisted - Neko Case

#6 All the 2000s work is a little bandwagony. Three from The White Stripes, but Get Behind Me Satan has hardly proved itself as classic, revolutionary nor game-changing. Several OutKast albums, but not any of them that mattered most to making them great; Want One and Want Two by Rufus Wainright, not Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk? Beck but only Sea Change and Guero? I guess if you haven't been paying attention to these artists for their whole career, you missed out on the things that made them great in the first place. The immediate popularity does not equate to long-term classic status.

For instance, i agree with Ms. Spears' ...One More Time being placed on the list. whether it is your cup of tea or not, it was a definite game changer. the pop world was NOT the same afterward and it DID become the measuring stick for subsequent work in that genre. It was not, however, a musical "masterpiece" in the sense that Sea Change is. But Sea Change was only a later career extension of Mellow Gold before it, which was much more original in its time.

#7 It is also worth mentioning, the little odds and ends additions for electronica and rap might as well have been left off. you could have just made a list of popular rock, r&b and pop music to hear before you die. but the slight nods to country and hip hop as a gesture of looking like you know what those genres have to offer...as if you scoured all music and what you came back with was 4 deep purples are as good as one dwight yoakam and "you aren't missing anything over there in those places so just keep thinking that it is all shit"...look, you just make it worse for yourself. when Brittney appears but the Dixie Chicks don't, its not a gesture...its favoritism.

#8 The Roots are one of 5 major influences in hip hop and rap today. That Illidelph Halflife does not appear...well, you should be ashamed. (See above comments for "fan-come-lately" albums)

#9 i don't know why i am numbering

#10 The self-titled debut N*E*R*D (no one ever really dies) absolutely DESTROYS Fly or Die. How could anyone include the later over the former? just really bad...

#11 Two Words: Deltron 3030. the first, best and most amazing hip hop concept album. sci-fi space travel hip hop aliens robots...del and dan the automator? Jesus man, its like you really have no clue for the past 20 years of this list.

#12 Push barman to open old wounds is by and far the best thing Belle and Sebastean have done. and at 2 discs, how can you pass it up?

#13 on and on and on and on....Slick Rick? Salt n Peppa?

and on...so i'm done with this. i should make my own fricking list if i'm so pissed off. maybe i will--and do 101 instead of trying to bite off more than i can eshew eh Bob?

or 11...

Real World Brooklyn Blows

2008-11-09T08:58:00.004-05:00

So we went to one of our favorite beer halls last night, and wouldn't you know, but the Real World Brooklyn was there with full lights camera and sound man looking stupid and "talking" by themselves at a table. (you know, trying to act casual even though they are the only ones lit up by a portable stage-light?) No one paid them much mind except for saying "douchebag" to themselves or maybe the others.

Then all of a sudden, two of these Real World fucktards get up in each other's faces and start fighting...Pushes around; someone loses their glasses, bystanders are pushed and shoved, yelling, a barrel of beer is overturned, etc. etc. If they were unwelcome before, they were loathed now. They then were 'booed' and verbally assaulted by the peaceable crowd, skipped out on the beer wench and the MTV director refused to pay the bill. Why were they there in the first place? Who would let these swine into a fine establishment? And who still will ever let MTV film in their place again? With acts like this its no wonder that no one wants these fucks around in our bars, restaurants, neighborhoods, country, planet etc, etc.

Is it too much to ask? A beer stein the size of an infant full of delicious brew and jovial atmosphere? No, television has to get involved, at everyone else's expense. And worse, it gives this place a black-eye on national TV. A "beer-hall" full of sailors and hot-heads where shit like this is acceptable.

Besides, the fight was so pansy-ass. If they try starting something like that in a worse part of Brooklyn, they had better fear for their lives (and not just the "actors" but the crew too).

People here don't fuck around, and you shouldn't either MTV.

just wish i had thought of it first.

2008-11-05T21:26:00.000-05:00

Letter to Mr. David Frum

2008-10-26T12:23:00.007-04:00

Mr. Frum--

I agree with some and respect most parts of the views put forth in your Op-Ed (Sorry Senator. Let's Salvage What We Can), but the random paragraph about angry liberals squelching conservative talk-radio is a bit ridiculous:

Unchecked, this angry new wing of the Democratic Party will seek to stifle opposition by changing the rules of the political game. Some will want to silence conservative talk radio by tightening regulation of the airwaves via the misleadingly named "fairness doctrine"; others may seek to police the activities of right-leaning think tanks by a stricter interpretation of what is tax-deductible and what is not.

Don't assume that because the angry-right did the same thing in Clinton's second term that the new administration will reciprocate. (though it is humorous to watch you squirm around, whinning about unfair treatment on the eve of the "Militant-Mayberry" machine relinquishing power...). I know the Bush Admin. mean't well in 2000 (i've talked [no sensitive info, just policy] with staffers at the Xchange Saloon), but look at the Machavelian power-grab over the past two terms! Is this a pre-emtive pot-call-kettle-black? Guilty conscience?

What is required is a cease-fire from the psuedo-journalism tit-for-tat. The Keith Olberman's were really a response to the growing Rush Limbaugh's (which was first only picked up by numerous political-comedians). Chris Matthews was following Jon Stewart's lead, but in a slightly less journalistic manner. The Fairness Doctrine is not perfect, but can we agree it is time that Rupert Murdoch's stranglehold on "news" is eased? It is necessary for reviving the field of journalism. If the Orwellian state of the news is in-fact remitted, I won't expect that it will be a mandate from on high. It will come because those who uphold the credibility of the news come back to take what was stolen from the people (and i don't mean angry liberals or by sensationalist cablenews anchors)

my fear in this financial climate is a liberal return to failed New-Deal policies...and that is something both liberals and conservatives should focus attention.

regards,

christopher peli

placeholder for a thought

2008-10-20T22:54:00.002-04:00

if you are in to t-shirts, and i am, the check threadless. i'll be submitting designs soon, but until then, peruse. there are some really good ones.

hey there's my man Mookie!

2008-10-16T23:14:00.002-04:00

decided to give a shout out to:

http://mutations1.blogspot.com/

check back often to follow the progress.

and that's the truth, ruth!

i knew i liked philly for some reason...

2008-10-12T15:18:00.003-04:00

i'd like to take this opportunity to connect the dots on two of my favorite autumn past-times: sports and politics.

in this corner, we have the Vice Presidential hopeful "hockey-mom"...yes, that's the Flyers booing women and children (very classy):

and to follow up, i never knew Brady Quinn was such a douche...oh wait, yes i did. nothing like losers endorsing losers...

http://embeds.blogs.foxnews.com/2008/10/08/brady-quinn-endorses-mccain/

Maybe he's just trying to bag one of her daughters? Seems easy enough (as long as he doesn't mind baggage).

As i always say, you can take the suck out of Cleveland, but you can't take your mom to a hockey game...or something like that...

space seltzer

2008-10-07T19:14:00.001-04:00

mellow yellow brown down

2008-09-27T16:03:00.003-04:00

BQ to start tomorrow for Cleveland?

well, "fuck me"...

more debate quizzestions

2008-09-27T09:20:00.005-04:00

as it turns out, McCain went through with it, but i still think he got smacked around last night. anyways, more questions:

Mr. McCain, exactly how many Rs do you think there are in the word Washington?

it's clear that you guys like the words "fundamental" and "strategy"--any chance we can get you to stop?

where's the surge for Afghanistan? there are actually (in McCain's words) "bad people" there. why not use the Sons of Iraq? they did a pretty good job of covering our ass recently and i hear they have nothing to do right now...

why isn't FEMA considered national defense?

PRECONDITIONS?! Ahmadinejad comes to the US ever 6 months or so to give interviews with NPR and lectures at Columbia...here's my question: if this guy can come to our country and read poetry at an open mic in an East Village coffeehouse, you'd think we could at least go talk to him? anyone? anyone? Buehler?

this question is for Mr. Obama: even if everyone in the United States wanted you to throw a nice fluffy Boston Cream pie in Mr. McCain's face, would you do it?

this question is for Mr. McCain: can you go even 90 minutes without saying the word Hanoi?

its clear that neither of you want to say which parts of the budget you are going to cut. but we all know that in either case, you are going to cut off funding the Washington Nationals. why don't you just say it?

----

By the way: Jim Caple stole my idea, but went with the Yankees instead of the Mets:

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=caple/080924&sportCat=mlb

who IMO, didn't so much collapse as they did slowly disintegrate. in order to collapse, a team would have to have something and then end up with nothing. considering Tampa Bay has whooped ass in the AL East from start to finish, that means you had nothing...a prerequisite for a proper collapse.

its funny, i'm sure your little friends in Connecticut loved it, but its about the wrong team.

my debate questions

2008-09-26T07:40:00.006-04:00

whether or not this debate happens tonight (as of press time, no one knows for sure if McCain will be too tired and old from working all day to do anything but watch M*A*S*H re-runs and scream at his dog), I have prepared some questions in the event that it does that i would like to ask the candidates.

in no particular order:

Will there be a New York Mets bailout in the light of their recent collapse? White Sox?

On the Iraq war, if the surge "worked", why are we still there?

Also, noting that no surge troops we sent to Anbar province, yet violence took a massive downward turn, many attribute this to the Sons of Iraq and not the US surge. Where's the love? Any chance we can just dress them in US military uniforms and escape our troops in civilian clothing? it works in the movies...i'm just saying...

on the economy, Good thing we privatized Social Security right before a major economic market collapse!

we continue to import service economy workers while we neglect the opportunities that Trade Schools provide for our young people. too often they are either forced into college without the grades or ambition to succeed, drop-out and work at Kohl's. any chance we could get a decent workforce in this country by investing in trade schools instead of forcing everyone into overly expensive colleges?

more later when i think of them. i think i have some time...

don't you blasphemy in here....

2008-09-14T09:14:00.002-04:00

from http://www.churchsigngenerator.com

for half-hours of fun

sounds familiar

2008-09-13T09:31:00.001-04:00

file under: for no reason

2008-09-12T20:05:00.000-04:00

the stupid blog

2008-09-07T11:10:00.005-04:00

found and wanted to share:

http://howstupidblog.com/

and even though i am now quite skeptical of jon stewart's increasingly "journalistic" approach while claiming not to be held accountable for having "journalistic" integrity:

i'll also point out that he is interviewing people in NoVA....near the GMas campus...and in DC

by the way, Jon, you interrupt your guests just as much as Bill O'Reilly...

commuter

2008-08-27T08:17:00.001-04:00

some other strange language

2008-08-23T08:28:00.005-04:00

its as if people are speaking some other strange language when i read "discussion" about the presidential race. can someone tell me what the hell "narcissistic personality disorder" is?

what about "historic narrative"?

where did these terms come from? who decided these are important things to dwell on? i'll back up a minute to elaborate:

i decided who i was voting for about, i don't know...9 months ago. in all honesty, there is not much that could alter any candidate's positions (or anything worthwhile) in the year leading up to an election. it's all about your past, your views, your core values. these things don't change during a campaign, they only get watered down.

so i stopped listening (for the most part) to News-Network-Bullshit-Name-calling, and had a good time thinking about other things.

when i came back, everyone lost their fucking minds.

what exactly people are thinking when they throw around this year's political jargon is yet unclear, but i can say this, they are no more eloquent than "flip-flopper" (which i think is something you can find at the beach?)

just because you can repeat multisyllabic words you learn on FoxNEWS does not necessarily mean that you could have come up with it on your own.

i read some politico-blogs and its pretty clear (to me at least) that these some of these people have seriously handed over the keys to their brain and let evil campaign hate mongers drive. its a sad state when name-calling is what constitutes a political race. even sadder still when its so obvious. when everyone is walking around spouting "self-aggrandized" you know something is up. people don't just say words like that unless they hear it from mind-control artists masking as campaign strategists on 24 hour news stations. its even clearer still, when they spell it wrong on a blog post where spell-check is clearly available.

i feel like punching Rupert Murdock in the wiener.

offshore bullshit

2008-08-13T18:03:00.004-04:00

Yeah, so i grabbed it right from the Greenpeace mailing-list I'm on. But dammit it's true:

Let me take just a second to review the top 10 reasons offshore drilling is such a dumb idea:

10. Offshore oil drilling won't impact gas prices today, and it won't have a significant impact on gas prices in the future.

9. This is nothing more than a money grab by the oil companies - who are already making record-breaking profits.

8. We burn 25% of the world's oil here in the U.S., but we have only 3% of the world's oil reserves. So even if all offshore oil magically came to market today, the vast majority of our oil would continue to be imported, and we wouldn't see price relief at the pump.

7. The current moratorium was put in place decades ago to protect us from the danger of oil spills along our coastlines and beaches.

6. Burning fossil fuels like oil causes global warming, which causes stronger hurricanes, which will threaten the very offshore drilling rigs being proposed, which will contribute to even more global warming.

5. To avoid the worst impacts of global warming, we need to switch from fossil fuels to renewable energy within the next 10 years. The billions of dollars that would be spent on offshore oil drilling just postpones the inevitable transition from fossil fuels to renewable energy.

4. Oil exploration requires massive seismic testing - which threatens whales and dolphins.

3. Oil prices are set on the global oil market, so American oil is no cheaper than Saudi oil. We won't get a discount for oil drilled in the U.S.

2. We can't solve the world's energy problems with the same drilling that created them.

1. Renewable energy is available now, so it's time to walk away from fossil fuels and toward a clean energy future.

so even though #8 is a completely incorrect use of percentages, i can't argue that our off-shore oil would still only hold us up, even if we did not export any of it, for a meager amount of time before we were doubly fucked: no oil and no research into alternatives.

for those of you scoring at home: US consumes 25% of the total world market, which is the current amount of oil available today--roughly, one quarter of a pie that looks like a big barrel of oil that is used up in one day. the 3% on our shores is a much larger (by comparison) pie that has much much more oil in it--a pie shaped like the globe with a bunch of oil in it. you cannot say that the 3% will not fully supply the 25% because the two pies in question are not comparable. its like saying because i eat 25% of an apple pie, i need more than 3% of the world's total available apples (in this case another 22%). if we used 25% of the worlds total supply of oil in a day, then yes, 3% would be very inadequate.

the question is not how much oil pie we are eating, but whether we should be eating oil pies at all.

had to share

2008-08-11T15:28:00.002-04:00

http://www.blackpeopleloveus.com/

the (lack of) quality website and the "hanging out" section made me laugh, hard.

" I love being around Johnny and Sally because they kiss their dogs on the mouth, and that is really funny!"

also:

" I like Johnny and Sally because they NEVER flaunt their wealth in front of me. In fact, they go to great lengths to keep their valuables as well as their wallets and purses as far away from me as possible. How cool is THAT???"

hehehe

brush your shoulders off

2008-08-11T13:58:00.005-04:00

two things:

I don't live in Bed-Stuy because i make a whole shit-load of money. there is a misconception about the, lets say, "non-natives" moving here, that they are A) buying and B) wealthy. I am neither. I may get shady looks, but I don't roll-around with $500 dollar watches on like some non-natives in Bed-Stuy (and Billyburg, etc). You may not think it, but when you walk about looking like you have money, its perceived as a threat to those that do not (not to mention, Scared Suits and kids-in-skinny-jeans running like roaches with the lights on doesn't give the impression of friendliness either)

a scared animal and an aggressive animal look exactly the same.

two: there is a difference between intermingling populations and overlapping populations. Bed-Stuy has at least four very distinct overlapping populations, which remain very tight. I'm thinking native black, native latino, native Hasidic jews and largely imported-Pratt-students, though i am part of none, these are the majorities. (There is are other categories in there too, i realize the issues with this generalization, but go with me on it for a second). Now each population has a tendency, in overlapping population scenarios, to polarize even whilst often being co-dependent. (more oft not realizing the positive attributes a population DOES bring to the community). the LA riots ended in a blood and brick-bath between the afro and korean communities, even though it was touched off by police brutality. the key here is to not let it spark, because the populations in overlap are less stable than homogenized ones. one type of spark is a political event. another is a real estate event. if the sight of white people didn't mean soaring property values, shitty looking condo buildings, unaffordable coffee and corporate businesses replacing neighborhood owned, who would give a shit if they moved in?

get to the point: if anything is to come of these trying times of racial uncertainty (michael jackson and tiger woods did a good job, but no one saw Barack coming), it is important to recognize the value in each other's Bed-Stuy culture. the jews own the property, latinos make the food, blacks make music, white people....drink the coffee...and other less useful stuff. But we are learning!

[An aside: if most restaurant kitchens employ mexican workers, doesn't that make ALL food Mexican?)

so next time someone with droopy red eyes comes to ask for a dollar, tell them that they have to share that rock with you, neighbor.

more from the Brooklyn Zoo

2008-08-11T09:40:00.001-04:00

from The Brooklyn Zoo

2008-08-09T11:51:00.006-04:00

this is the first full report from our new locale in Brooklyn (aka The Planet). much to say, much to say:

- there are 6 different types of tile in our bathroom

- there are exactly 2 plumb walls in the entire 650 SF apartment

- new refrigerator + stove = good thing

- A/C unit mostly for white noise cancellation of Lafayette Ave.

- no bugs, rodents, roaches, leeches or Montauk Monsters

- always confirm your move-in date several times, repeatedly and over and over again

- realtors call Clinton Hill Fort Greene, and west Bed-Stuy Clinton Hill. from what i can tell, Clinton Hill is actually a neighborhood consisting of a handful of city blocks that have remained in denial about their actual place in Brooklyn (Bedford-Stuyvesant). Also, technically half of the Myrtle Ave neighborhood is 'Wallabout', some random name for the area sandwiched between the BQE and the shipyards.

- apparently dropping bodies in the East River is a tradition that predates even the mafia

- Stuyvesant is named after Peter Stuyvesant

- i don't know what Bedford is for

- on (some) subways, i think of a quote my sister like to use: "Uuuugh! Smells like somebody shit they-self!"

Thats all for now.

"Bruykleen Coloni"

hehe--that makes me laugh

File this under WTF?

2008-08-09T11:36:00.004-04:00

From the Totally Off Topic news desk:

okaaay--white supremacists now to vote for Obama?

...sorry, i wasn't listening sir, i was distracted by your jiggly neck flab.

hobos are the new pirate

2008-06-15T13:03:00.004-04:00

food for thought

2008-06-04T08:07:00.003-04:00

went to see a lecture by the pritzker prize winner for this year, Jean Nouvel, last night at the national Building Museum. In a recent Post article him in his french studio, it is said that he is known to sketch and write, all whilst enjoying a nice french red wine.

quote:

"It is the existence of a monk, but one sluiced with killer Bordeaux."

the today:

which made me wonder whether the lack of inspiration in architecture from the US is due to our "coffee-fueled" design.

How to appreciate Modern American Architecture

quote:

"#2: Determine what exactly art is."

...right

seems like this is a bit more relevant:

How to build an Igloo

There's something going on here but you don't know what it is...do you? Dr. Jones....

2008-05-25T17:19:00.004-04:00

and only because i just mentioned IJ, found this and had to repost: from the Mangina Monologues

if you are wondering how: a random google image search came back with this:

...and i had to check it out. rather funny and frankly true. Spielberg is so last century.

absence of mind make the heart grow flounder

2008-05-24T10:48:00.003-04:00

its been awhile, but now i'm back writing again. after spending most of the past month in a delirium of Delirium, terrorizing the South Bend Tribune blog, "terrifying the tourists and offending the locals", the pseudo-literature of blogging begins again (to the chagrin of both of you reading).

and so, with the event of the summer soon closing in (the big NY move, not Indiana Jones), i must point out some recent findings that have opened my eyes to the 'reality' of NY designers. the term that comes to mind first is "overrated", and second "schizo-masturbation". who do these people think they are anyways? Jean-Luc Ponty?

i should back up for a brief and explain: i am in the midst of a mostly internet based job-search in Brooklyn. job-hunting is just not what it used to be. once upon a time, i could call upon my fellow Free-Masons to sting me up with some employment in local politics, or maybe even waste-management services. but the times have changed i'm afraid, and in my line of work, it is all about Archinect.com and google.

so why in Peter Tosh's name would anyone neglect their web-presence? don't these DBs understand that we are all headed for a digital existence anyways, ala Everyone in Silico? come on! these websites are fucking killing me...

back to some quasi-rational point i was attempting to triple-jump before my lungs were accosted by heinous Beijing exhaust: the Prince of Chintz was right, the NY condo design scene is like a bad black and white silent film. no character, no color, no life. or as he put it, "this isn't a living room, its a dead room".

and to all you brooklyn condo/townhome renovators: cut it out with the white marble kitchen countertops dammit. you know these people don't drink anything but red wine...

second: discover the wonders of wall coverings (Allison: "yes! wallpaper, my favorite media!")

thirds: black and white is great...but you aren't designing the set for American Psycho, so let get some plants in there...throw a fucking rug down somewhere...even some pony-hide for shit's sake. it looks like before doing condo renovations you were designing prison guard stations for Attica.

and don't underestimate what even a moderate sized gun cabinet can do to really tie the room together...

Hoof Articulated?

2008-02-16T17:46:00.012-05:00

i decided that instead of wanking on others all the time, i should post some work of my own. last year, a competition was held in London ("yes London! you know bad food, worse weather Mary fucking Poppins? London!") for a Bat House for all the proper fucked bats of the city losing their habitat of belfries in an increasingly secular UK (that's not exactly what the RFP said)

my design really never went further than sketch form, but considering i designed and constructed a bat house for 1-4 bats (in college), i was rather interested in the prospect of designing one for 1-4 thousand. the premise is the same, but with the inclusion of a "human" viewing area that smashes into the side of this organic "inside-out" design. (the original bat house design was based on the idea that the exterior form was merely an effect of designing an optimum interior environment for the bat, and that because the roost needed--in fact required--no floor, employing the anti-gravity environment of curvy computer architecture world of 3DMax seemed more than just a token experiment, but necessarily called for; unlike the digital diarrhea of Greg Lynn...oops! no bashing this post!!)

if any of that made sense, you will understand that i took the "bat world"--a morphogenetic shape based on an articulated performative surface (in this case, bat roosting performance) and smashed a typical modern human space into it (no articulated surface, but pure geometric space--a rectilinear box). at the intersection is the interface of the two worlds: a series of viewing hoods designed to keep the light levels of the roost optimum and let the human eye adjust to the low light levels without distracting ambient light.

to construct the human space requires nothing by way of interesting mechanics, but the bat space--based on the bat-performance criteria mentioned--needs an entirely rethought method of construction. since this is a sketch, i won't go out an say this works or anything--its just a bloody idea you know. i've always wondered how zoo exhibit designers explain to the contractors how to make the concrete faux-stone look like a stone, or for that matter: what do the shop drawings look like? you would think they would have digital definitions for all the organic bulges in the 3-toed sloth habitat...but they don't! amazingly, its all done ad-hoc (at least according to Dave Metzger, who knows more about anything than anyone else in the field of architecture and construction...in my opinion) by "specialists". whoever those people are, they are spraying the gun-earth (basically concrete made from nearby soils and shot from a "gun") on the bat house. to keep the form/shape, i do digitally define the form with a milled egg-crate method, which is pretty common now in digitechure construction.

thats about it for now--i'm still working it over. oh yeah...there's a sequence of arrival and departure through a long, enclosed ramp/stair to give suspense and articulate destination blah blah blah to the experience.

i thought this was supposed to be about architecture???

2008-01-20T14:38:00.002-05:00

in my first post, i cited that i wished to discuss the architecture of all things in a candid and sarcastic, yet poignant dialog. first, under and within the spaces of umbrellas: a relationship between man and the cosmos through the medium of shelter. i touched on a recent addition to the public spaces of DC, and then...

then i went all over the place.

so this is intended to get me back on track, for the time being:

Dear Helmut Jahn,

Your buildings are bogus exercises in steel and glass masturbation. Thats right, you can't even jerk-off correctly. I applaud you for only three of your exercises, two of which are near repeats; something you do all to often. They are as follows: 1) Bayer AG, 2) IIT Student Housing, 3) Lakefront Supportive Housing/Near North.

1) Bayer: the original glass box; tempered to the conditions of reality by a simple gesture of form towards the arc of the sun. An utterly inappropriate material solution that, from what i hear, you actually managed to make "work". By work i mean something like "make a problem where there was none and then solve it and seem impressive". well fine. with a swank and loaded client, i guess thats what anyone would expect.

2) IIT: the only building type that is less respected in american architectural culture than student housing is low-income housing. somehow, the austere spaces in this project are more than acceptable conditions for too good for the inevitable Phish, Eminem and titty posters that will surely adorn the walls. A moderne shell for hyper-hormone college students it nothing new, but one that seems a little too designy is. those wildflower vegetative areas fill quick with hot pocket wrappers, Helmut...we'll see how it looks after 6 semesters of yellow poster tack-goo on the walls, not to mention all the puke stains. "I was date raped in a real Helmut Jahn...yaaaay!"

3) Lakefront Supportive Housing: the only building type that is less respected in american architectural culture than student housing is low-income housing. a swank moderne half-way-house? chicago says: "we've got that". right after finishing the IIT housing, Jahn pinches off a breadloaf repeat for some disenfranchised Cabrini Greeners. As with most repeats, it lacks the essence of the original and comes off as a less-than-talented younger sibling like Ashley Simpson or Eli Manning. Wind turbines on the roof are cool. you need more of them to even approach a level of energy capture that makes it seem like anything less than a token statement of sustainable bullshit. (something like 18% of the total energy usage). Wouldn't 2 rows get you more like...36%? i mean christ, its made out of awning frames and wingnuts. lest hope they sprung for the anti-graffiti coatings for the corrugated steel...oops

okay, so i've praised enough. now i would like you to stop construction of this piece of crap you have replaced the Mercury Building in DC with. (below)

out of all the fugly faces in the DC building stock, the Mercury stood out as one of the most appreciated examples of DC fugliness. Rather than augment it, you tore the whole thing down. For (as the construction poster says) a "Limited Edition Helmut Jahn". Limited edition? does that mean its a car? or are you just admitting that you had one good idea back in 1980 and have been crapping it ever since like the modern architecture version of Patrick Doroughty?

i can't find any pictures of the mercury building online. and i can't go take a photo of something that doesn't exist anymore. point is, if you want to build a really "green building" (this thing is going for LEED silver), just alter what's there, dont fuck up traffic downtown for your masterpiece. this isn't chicago pal...

Sincerely,

cp

National Parks

2008-01-07T21:33:00.001-05:00

Washington DC is a city of policy and therefore, one of technicalities. I am referring to several issues, one of which creeps up from time to time during periods of Democrat congressional control, and another which virtually no one 1. knows about, or 2. cares about.

The first, DC is not a state, and hence does not get a congressional vote. I don't really care to have one, if i could only skip the taxes. the famous DC license plates read (proudly?): "Taxation Without Representation"...one of several important grievances that fueled the bogus and strange thing we call America. (and by the way, how come the US is "america" and its inhabitants "americans", but in latin "america", they are latino? sharing is caring fellas...)

So I say, fuck the vote! I want it tax free baby!

and my second talking point tonight: such that DC is not a state, it also does not have state parks, and in-fact, contains no city parks either (i guess being a district takes away our cityhood too?) every little triangular leftover space in the district, owned by the district, is a National Park. Thats right, when i hear about wonderful the west-coast groovies have it, living in such close proximity to all that nature, i can only think that i live withing a 5 block radius of no fewer than 5 National Parks HA!

but i'm not gloating. in fact, there is actually a point to this late-night-inebria-rant...

STOP TAKING YOUR DOGS OUT TO SHIT IN THE NATIONAL PARKS!!! ITS AGAINST THE FUCKING LAW

My favorite quote, from a family member of a friend i know doesn't mind me repeating:
"Dogs??!?! In the House?!?! They got to be white people..."

Its true, gentrification is actually making the district more, not less urine soaked.

honestly, having a dog in any city makes me sad. once, this guy was walking his dog and the dog just squatted and pissed right on the sidewalk, with a shameful, horrified look on the innocent creatures face as it pooled and trickles down the sidewalk with no where to go and nothing to do but puddle. i'm not even a dog lover (could you tell?) and i managed to squeeze out a little pathos for this animal...right before i kicked the man in the testicles. SERIOUSLY! I HAVE TO WALK THERE YOU ASS!!

these people are no better...actually, no...they are worse than the homeless relieving themselves in the trash cans. It hard to find a place to go around here, what with locked "customer only" bathrooms and a variety of tokens, cards and keys to break the secret secure system of privatized restrooms. I can't blame them, but i can blame ignorance. Dogs deserve to run around free and hunt things and eat them in packs. owning a dog is about as sensible as having a pet hedgehog. Leave wild animals wild. Get a terrarium.

so in short: Dogs. Bad for the House. Bad for the Parks. Bad for America.

Hillary, you can use that...

Singalong Junk

2007-12-15T15:50:00.001-05:00

She's gone

2007-12-15T13:33:00.001-05:00

for anyone unaware: the Jeep is gone.

the story starts awhile back with a few break-ins that eventually culminated with the outright theft nearly 2 weeks ago (by the way, if you lie in a metro area, either get theft insurance or buy a Club). then yesterday morning (yeah, at 5 am) i get a call from a district police officer who has found my car and has had it towed to some far off desolate area of the 10-mile-square that is utterly impossible to reach without auto-transport.

she was in sad shape, and costing me a pretty penny to just sit on this lot. so cutting my losses, i sold her to a salvage co. who carted it off this morning.

as i stood next to it, on a platform atop the flatbed, i noticed that early 90s Jeeps have a special appeal when viewed from below. a sort of majestic power, embodied in hulking proportions that, at eye level, seem somewhat clunky and square. she never looked so bad, shit falling off, torn off, rusted off and grimy. she never looked so good.

i am by no means a car person, so it strikes me as being very hypocritical feeling emotion for inanimate things; these deplorable machines.

but i learned today, that cars are not special to us because they are objects, but because they are spaces. no thing i could salvage and souvenir from the interior of that car would substitute quite as well as being within the cocoon of its space. the feel of the seat against my sweaty back in nevada; the odd odor of molding coffee and stale clove cigarettes; trinkets from national parks and imperfections from hauling building materials; rattles and clinking sounds of un-greased motor parts; of excessive precautionary tools; all of these combine the past 7 years of my life into a strong but unique curry of memories. as Melissa said, we move from place to place in our life, change houses and cities, but a car is the only constant we have.

when i purchased my Jeep from Lochmondy Motor's in Elkhart, Indiana, i said "i will run this thing into the ground". Today that wish came true, but for as head strong as i was then, i am equally glad to be rid of automobiles for awhile. i said some years later that i would "not buy another car until it ran on air and exhausted water". and so i wait.

holiday travel sucks my ass

2007-12-02T16:23:00.001-05:00

let me set the record straight. I fucking hate holiday travel.

more than almost anything, the thought of flying my ass around in unpleasant conditions, bad weather, uncomfortable seats and motion sickness makes me, well...sick. and apparently hostile. I wouldn't normally be so irate this, except that according to Kayak.com, we could have flown to Beijing for less money than flying to Indianapolis.

Which got us thinking next year, we are going to China for Christmas. Flankly, I don't see any leason not to. We have this odd, masochistic thing about the last two weeks of December that somehow compels us to return to our places of origin, so that we can once again remember why we left in the first place. If I would have known that i would have to pay this annual debt of flesh and money to the travel gods of commerce every year, i might have reconsidered living somewhere i wanted, for somewhere more convenient. That's it: convenience.

I have this thing when i go hiking, where i go to great lengths not to re-course my trail. A loop is preferred if at all possible, and if not, then i might walk 20 feet to the left or right of the trail, just to get a different experience. That's it: different.

The urge towards a different experience is something inexplicable within my hardwiring. Maybe an early childhood of solidarity led me towards wandering, rather than familial sedimentation. I can only speculate. My family lineage belongs to a long line of wanderers, displaced Poles always on the run. Moving according to the rhythms of political upheaval in eastern Europe, until a major jump to the "New" land, where they migrate and shift locales according to the whims of commerce, first in raw production, then in assembly and manufacturing. The later bringing a generation of Polish sons and daughters into a once again different homeland in the Midwest, where they could just be Poles: enjoy bitterly cold winters, lack of sunlight, hate the blackies and drink wheat beer peace.

[okay, okay...recently their has been better beer selections...]

I digress.

The point of this rant, is that sometimes, you are supposed to go back and see things that remind you of yourself. But most of the time, you need to be out experiencing things that are not you. Thats how you stay fresh, open minded and experience different things.

Lurch forth young travelers...

one nation under a BIM

2007-11-25T13:50:00.002-05:00

recently, Revit (autodesk's claim on the future of BIM) has been buzzing with pretty hot news. First the recent acquisition of the "father of GenerativeComponents" Robert Aishe in a big shocker to BIM geeks everywhere. But what caught my eye was was the major advancements in city planning and infrastructure modeling in the past year. About 11 months ago, Autodesk CEO Carl Bass (looking rather dapper in his spectacles here and below) accomplished the long awaited synthesis of information modeling and 1950s 3D glasses (yes!!). The real kicker here was the first introduction of city system modeling and resource management capabilities on the nearing horizon for digital modeling.

[i'll just mention that a "Landscape Information Model" was Melissa's and my idea in our ecological-infrastructure management scenario for Greenbelt, Maryland without prior knowledge of these advances. (though its hard to say Autodesk stole our idea.) we'll play the Antonio Meucci on this one]

Paul Shaffer everybody!!!....

Fast forward to this year's Greenbuild where Philip Bernstein (who is quite an evocative speaker)
wows the "greenies" with some amazing new capabilities in development for something I can only describe as Revit-UrbanPlanning. Basically they were moving these 50 story buildings around the city, siting it in different infrastructure scenarios and testing the MEP output results near instantly.

This is where is gets exciting, because Aishe's developments with Bentley's GC has been dealing with similar information "inputs" but looking at it from a design perspective; that is, informing the building based on calculable data from external references.

You smell what I smell?

This is about 17 years in the making, ever since Greg Lynn's attempts to take 3Ds animations and establish "real" forces based on environmental inputs (for which he can be complimented for the foresight, but ultimately failure to produce little more than 'Archisculpture' ), we've been trying to get some "realness" into the datascape where architectural design is taking place.

Everyday is one step closer to a performative architecture.

[note: Lynn's work can be traced to a development of the formal manipulation based on new inputs, but like anything, the quality of inputs will dictate your output. and seriously, the idea of starting with a company logo as the premise for a building's form makes me barf...]

blobby architecture decends on DC

2007-11-19T21:03:00.001-05:00

yes , even in the city of second-hand-euro-trash architecture, there is...well, more second hand euro-trash. Sir Norman Foster decided to grace our Portrait Gallery this year by duplicating his Grand Court for the little ole' US of A. My congradulations to those of you young architects at Smith Group DC on whose backs this was built upon. To you older folks involved, way to grab a hold of something that will last.

It's not that i am against the blob, but i have to say, a meaningless blob is no more inspiring than a meaningless frieze. I guess in that light, it fits right in...

See, the British Museum atrium was a complex geometric space (circle within a rectangle) that in many ways, was ONLY achievable through individual triangulations, dictating that every component, every piece of glass, have slight variations, only executable through digital programing and fabrication.

This latest creation seems to have taken a step in the opposite direction, rather than taking the idea of material reduction and lightness further, introducing a multivalent purpose to form (like i don't know..rain harvesting???), the team instead decides to regurgitate and with some pretty awkward outcomes. There are several elements that seem either disjointed, or inappropriate but i will only hit on the big two.

While perhaps the most intriguing element in the space may be the reflecting "pools", which are very thin films of water over rectilinear areas of the black stone flooring (rather nicely detailed actually), they seem utterly problematic. I could have spent most of the day Friday sitting and watching a Gallery security man moving from pool to pool, shooing visitors from the water or instructing them to take off their shoes before entering.

"I tell this mufucka get ot the poo and mufucka gets right back een when i gone"
(guess you had to be there to appreciate it fully)

I can only presume that the museum does not want wet-shoed people tromping through the galleries on slick marble flooring (liability anyone?), thusly impeding on this guy's overall job-satisfaction. The entertainment for me is an obvious design flaw. These pools are so intentionally meant for people to walk in, how did this not come up before?

Second, I was really disappointed that columns needed to be introduced. (i presume that the historical trust prohibited using the existing building structurally? could really such a lightweight structure have overburdened the existing 30" masonry walls enough to make it structurally unsound???) In any case, the columns look so much like an after thought, they didn't even bother giving them a similar material treatment as the "louvered" ribs above. They look entirely out of place, especially when the premise of the design is a soaring/floating sky, why would it have big metal tree trunks to support it?

I will applaud the Smithsonian for going out and getting something, at the very least, superficially exciting. Let us hope this is a catalyst for better work to come.

उसे थिस बटन तो टाइप इन hindi

2007-11-17T10:19:00.001-05:00

(sigh)

many things begin with a sigh.

when i began my thoughts on how to start this post, i was walking to work. but now it is saturday morning, the situation has changed and the clever things i had carefully crafted in my head are somehwere left back on New Hampshire Avenue in the rain.

i would have started:

"Today it rained like the proverbial mutha-fucka. A strong gale forces its way through the narrow streets my umbrella that i have to use as a shield from the horizontal rain and the splashes from drive-by-puddlings. Even under the bus shelter i still keep it open to prevent the gusts from disregarding my overhead protection."

then i would have observed:

"What's the deal with umbrellas? Some people have those huge SUV type umbrellas that push you off the sidewalk because they cover about half an acre of real estate around them. And then you have those people who look like they haven't bought a new umbrella since 4th grade? With My Little Pony prancing over their heads on their way to work at the Pentagon or some other agency of death.

Still my favorite, and i must be in this grouping somewhere, are those who struggle beyond acceptable means to hang on to an umbrella that demands to be put down for either a) its inability to keep the fabric maintained to the metal armature, or b) refuses to remain convex relative to the sky above. These struggling sidewalkers wrestlingand domesticating their wild umbrellas, be they untamed stallions or on some sort of life support, always make me chuckle."

Eventually, someone will look at my list of links, and maybe someone daring enough to peruse them will ask 'what does this have to do with umbrella observations? i'm entirely too confused to maintain balance' and then falls over right on top of their sleeping pet, in what David Sadaris calls "sleep" but he claims most normal people call "passing out".

Well, this is the cockamamie idea i've had for several years now: To write an architectural critique in the voice of Dennis Miller. It's great for the kiddies, cool uncles, beatniks and carpet store owners while bringing some life to the normally stale and utterly decomposing task of talking about buildings. (oh--its not just buildings) I also felt that architectural discourse needed more four-letter-words.

so this is my blog...for now...

"I finally arrive at the office, settle my wet garments in a place to dry, pull up my login prompt and get to work..."